did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
