this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
