pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
