I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
