I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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