Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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