The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
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She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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