Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
