i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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