i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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