Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
