Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
