Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
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