did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Text me some of your sweat
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
