can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
