oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
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