good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
