Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
