my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
