How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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