hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
