woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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