my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
