So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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