Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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