made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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