it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
