you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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