cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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