Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
