I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Someone shit on the floor
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize