Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
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Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
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I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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