Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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