It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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