Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
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