i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
