Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
