I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Terrible idea I love it
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
