A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
