"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
