I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
