does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
