You're a womanizer and a bitch.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
People in love make me want to vomit
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
