I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
