i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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