Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
