I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
