if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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