i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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