Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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