good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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