I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
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I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
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Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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