How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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