i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
