I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
