Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
