just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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