you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
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You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
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