too bad you live with your parents still
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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