nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
