oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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