did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
