i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
