the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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