He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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