Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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