i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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