theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
