He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
