I'm going to jail i love you
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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