Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
she smelled like a LAN party
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
