Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
