wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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