do herpes really smell.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
