I'm pants shitting drunk right now
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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