it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
