Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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