I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
