Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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