So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
