Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Randomize
