Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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