i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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